Sleight of Blog

I've been speculating about this topic for quite a while now but it's a controversial subject and I've had a lot of thoughts I wanted to put down in writing. It's about relationships where the partners have a big age gap. Some people frown, especially when they see a 55 year old man with a 25 year old woman. It's somehow a little more acceptable when an older woman hooks up with a younger man; that's when the cool factor gets real high, ever since Demi Moore married Ashton Kutcher, more than 15 years her junior. When a man pulls something like that, he's usually referred to as "an old pig".

Can such relationships ever survive? I mean, relationships are hard enough with the normal day-to-day stuff but when you add an age gap, there's more challenges to be faced. No doubt about it.

I suppose it depends on the partners involved. For any relationship to work you have to share something, you have to match emotionally and mentally - I don't mean being identical twins on the inside but being at the same maturity level is quite important.


There are factors to weigh out. In my own case, I can be pretty much certain that unless either one of us get swept off the planet due to sudden illness, murder or a car crash, I will be the one left behind in my own old age. There will in all likeliness be no growing old together. Should these factors play a part in deciding who you should be with? Well, some people think so. In my own opinion you only live once and I would much rather be happy with somebody for 20 years and face losing him to old age than be miserable with some younger guy and knowing he'll be around until I hit 90 myself. Certainly I could find somebody my own age, somebody nice and loving. The problem is I am very rarely attracted to men my own age; in fact I never have been. I've always picked guys at least 7-8 years older. I've now made a huge leap and picked someone 30 years my senior which I suppose will disgust quite a few people out there. I shutter to think what my own parents are thinking and feeling - probably that I have lost the bit of common sense I had left to start with - but the point is, as much as I love my family and want to make everybody happy, it is my life and my experiences and my attraction and my decision.

I think Kurt (my guy) and I are quite compatible mentally and emotionally. We share hobbies and we both have a touch of anxiety (well, more than a touch in my own case) so we can relate to how the other person feels when anxiety erupts and changes our personality for a few hours. We talk very comfortably and relaxed together.

I am aware that once he gets here, it all starts. That's when reality hits us and we must try out the relationship and really get to know each other. We'll also have to face people and they won't all think it's a cool idea for us to be together. Do I love the idea of being stared at in the street? Certainly not. But again, my life and my attraction.

My point is, people in these kinds of relationships are no different to other couples, they're just perceived differently. Doubts and worries from family and friends are inevitable, I am sure, but it can work.

What do you think? Do you have any experience with this sort of relationship? How did your family react?

I'd love to know!