Sleight of Blog

Sometimes I wonder why I fell in love with the people I did and I realize that with everyone of them there was a lesson for me to be learned. For example a big lesson has been that I now know it is okay to be exactly who I am, I don't have to pretend to be somebody that I'm not to make anybody happy. That's kind of a lost cause anyway but you know when you're young, you sometimes find yourself doing things just to get approval. I trust that I passed that phase in my life now and although I still turn into a big bundle of nerves now and then, I am much more comfortable in my own skin than I used to be.

If you are young and falling in love, let me give you this advice: Don't pretend to like something that you don't like, don't pretend to be anybody than the person you are. People only hide who they are if they feel unworthy of love. We are who we are. That goes for your love interest as well, don't ever fool yourself into thinking that with a little love or with time or with nurturing, he or she will certainly change and become that person that you can love fully. Because we are who we are. So rest assured that the things that you find so charming right now in your partner will become the things that bug the hell out of you in six months time!

I don't mean to be a downer. I might have become a little bit cynical over the years when it comes to love but I'd also like to think that the lessons I have learned will make me more capable of being in a relationship and making it last. I know many of the do's and don'ts.

There's only one thing that will make any relationship last: Communication. If you don't find a manner of communication that is respectful and empathetic, your relationship will probably not last very long.

It is so easy to make the mistake of character assassination - which is just a couple of fancy words for calling somebody a bitch or a jerk or an idiot. I have learned that when you are in a relationship, you have got to raise the bar on both your communication and your behavior.

A while ago I watched a documentary about couples who had been married for 50 years and they were asked what had made their marriage last. What was their secret? One guy looked straight into the camera and said: "We never gave up at the same time". I guess that says it all :-)